Yor, The hunter from the future

yor

This is a 1983 movie and i cant compare it to anything.

Yor is a hunter guy. I cant remember if he was from the future because there is nothing that established this fact. Then he walks around a rocky desert place and finds people that want to kill him and then he kills them.

The whole movie was like this… Yor goes to a place, meets people that want to kill him, he kills everyone except one girl. The girl belongs to him now, they walk off, they end up in a place where he meets people that want to kill him. The people were, in order, neanderthals, cavemen, a girl with the same jewelry robots, future science people.

Who care about any of this shit. What we did find interesting was that Yor is the same lead actor from Space Mutiny. And the future place that the last fight takes place looked like the same refinery like the one in Space Mutiny. I’m sure its just coincidence because Space Mutiny was in 1988 and Yor is 1983.

The credits had a lot of Italian and Turkish names.

Yor is low to mildly entertaining. I’m not sure why there is so much hype around it by many other B movie fans. At some points we even thought it would be a good movie. You know, like Robot Jox.

 

I am here …. Now

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Four dots are not a mistake.

After watching Double Down, we had to watch more Neil Breen. He is so cool. This movie was waaay less entertaining. It was a 5 minute story stretched to 90 minutes. I think it was about a girl that needed money and became a prostitute and Neil made her change her ways. I honestly lost interest after 15 minutes because it was so damn boring.

Here are some moments that we remember:

  • One of the broken computers in Double Down was torn down and parts taped to his body. I think it was a RAM chip on each wrist and a motherboard on his chest.
  • Neil Breen is god and is disappointed in our species. (He pronounces it as speeshees)
  • The girl says: “I can wait to have sex with two guys at the same time”. Who says that?
  • The guy says: “Hell Yeah! Daaamn! I’ll do her! Twins!”. Who says that? Also, the girls looked nothing like each other
  • There were bad guys that exposed their evil plans to anyone at all times. Some shit about “politicians and corporations”

Dont waste your time with this movie.

Double Down

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I’ve mentioned Red Letter Media here a few time & they did not disappoint in picking this movie.  We watched it too. Its beyond any movie we’ve seen ever.

We could not breathe. It was non stop since the first minute.

It felt like a directors commentary, but that was the actual movie. Neil Breen narrating everything.

Here’s the plot. Neil Breen is a super smart guy and someone killed his wife, so now he works for terrorists to shut down a street for a few days for some reason. I cant say more than this. Because we were laughing so hard. So just go watch it. Find Neil, buy his dvd, pay whatever he wants to charge for it. Its worth it.

Some (a lot of) memorable moments:

  • He only eats tuna out of the can
  • He is a fighter pilot and a programmer and a spy and a bioweapons expert and a hacker and thief and a satellite controller
  • He has all the medals of doing things. He pinned it to a shitty denim cut off jacket and wears it randomly with no underwear.
  • All guns are clearly toys
  • He goes to kill a couple but kill the wrong one and then he went to find the right one and they did a suicide so he called it a day
  • He tests his anthrax by wiping it on a guy’s arm in broad daylight
  • He tests his anthrax by pouring it in a lake. If he was successful, he would pour it in the same lake
  • We see his balls
  • He has four broken computers and he keeps typing things on all of them all the time
  • He has three broken cell phones
  • He has two satellite dishes on the back of his car. He keeps a spanner to tighten something. But there is clearly no nut in that location that he is tightening
  • 99% of this movie is narration of Neil talking about how cool/clever/badass/smart/brave/powerful he is

We have not been this entertained. EVER.

We we’re using quotes in regular conversation. We are Breen Damaged.

Future war

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Let me try to give you the plot. There are robots in the future, they go to the past to pick up some dinosaurs. They then move to the current date, which is still the past for them. They then hunt people for some reason using these dinosaurs. Some chick saw this and now they are after her. She finds a brain damaged guy and teach him english despite him admitting that he is a tool. Ah fuck it, let me tell you whats awesome.

All of the action takes place in a factory that makes empty boxes. So almost all shots are there. They throw the boxes like it weighs nothing, but then the impact when it hits something makes it look like it was heavy. Its hilarious.

Then the dinosaurs explode when they die. For some reason. Oh wait. These dinosaurs are the gems of the movie. Some of them are the size of a dog, some are huge and some are tiny. The only reason we could come up with is that they are all the same tiny dinosaurs, and the surroundings are badly scaled. Like when they used a toy doll house to make it look like the dinosaur was bigger than a human. The best part is the stalking and kill scenes. The tiny dinosaur is taped to the top of the camera. The closeness will make you think that they are big. You dont fool me! I’m not stupid. (Yeah, i’m saying this after watching a ton of bad movies.)

Robert Z’dar appear every now and again to kill then die then kill again then die again. We didnt care at this point, the cardboard boxes and tiny toy dinosaurs had us laughing uncontrollably. Whenever poor Robert moved, he made a noise of an electric screwdriver. Regardless of the action he took, the same sound clip was used.

Think Terminator + Jurassic Park + BloodSport.

Go watch it. Its awesome.