Fateful Findings

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Oh dear. This is our 100th bad movie. We can’t call ourselves serious b-movie fans unless we watched a cinematic genius for this special event.

In 2013, Neil Breen made Fateful Findings. The plot starts with him being a writer with writers block, then he has a marriage thats in trouble, then he’s a hacker, then he’s fighting off a stalking teen girl, then he is helping a suicide friend, then he saves the world with a speech. I’m pretty sure that this is one of those movies where each person that watches it, would have a different interpretation.

The usual Breen treatment is stock footage, stock audio, bad acting, bad screenplay, incoherent story, bad pacing, bad sound effects, several broken laptops and cellphones, awkward interactions and the phrase “governments and corporations”.

There’s no point in trying to figure out the plot or why this was even made. I will try to list all the moments of what-the-fuckery:

  • Neil shows us his ass again.
  • He is crossing a road alone but some shots show that there are people next to him and a traffic signal.
  • He is hit by a car (the same Rolls from Double Down), and is given some pills. These are probably pain killers or anti-biotics. His wife is secretly takes these pills. Why? There is no reason for he to do this. No established mental problems either.
  • He is a 40 year old now. So scenes with him as a child should be around 30 years old. Nope, the kids are next to a 2013 Lexus SUV.
  • As a kid he had a female friend. It was never established that they are very close. But as an adult, he randomly meets her, identifies that it is really her and leaves his wife for her in a matter of about a day.
  • The way he identifies his new/old girlfriend was because she dropped a diary on the floor. The diary only has one entry. “It’s a magical day”. From 30 years ago. Diagonally across the page. Firstly, thats a waste of paper. It’s written as if she will never forget the details of the day. The rest of the book looks pretty new. 30 year old notebooks usually become a bit yellow. And she’s supposed to be a doctor. Retard.
  • His wife overdoses on the pills and dies. She didn’t look convincing. All she needed to do was put pills in her mouth and fall asleep. She didn’t want to put the pills in her mouth and the whole scene looked like a bad magician fucking up.
  • His friend who has a Ferrari in his garage is always wiping the mirrors. This friend’s wife shoots him and then places the gun and a new bullet next to the body to make it look like a suicide.
  • His friend has a daughter that has the keys to Breen’s home and she comes in and swims topless while smiling at Breen.
  • Then she comes to Breen’s house to shower.
  • I almost forgot that the new Breen girlfriend gets kidnapped for some reason. The kidnapper’s boss wrote down an address to take her to and then he signed the paper. Who does that?
  • There are some scenes with a guy in black pants and black shoes. He appears and disappears a couple times and we didn’t know what part he played in the story.
  • The end has Breen making some speech about not being greedy and corrupt. Then a business man in a business suit kills himself after saying “I should not have been so greedy and corrupt”.
  • As adults Breen and new-old-doctor-girl go back to the woods where they wrote “It’s a magical day”. The see their mushroom and then they put sticks on it.
  • Oh, when he meets the new-old-doctor-girl, she is randomly invited to his barbecue. She wasn’t his doctor, she just gave an opinion to his real doctor. She really had no reason to be there.

Honestly, I could go on and on and nitpick. But what would the point be in that? Neil is making a movie to entertain. And he scores a 20 out of 10. Because we spend twice as much time trying to figure it all out than actually watching it.

Should you watch this movie? HELL YEAH!

Neil, keep doing what you’re doing. We cant wait to buy your new 2016 movie Pass Thru. Check the trailer here.

Tekken

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This movie was made in 2010. Did we learn anything from 1994 Double Dragon? or 1995 Mortal Kombat? or 1995 Street Fighter? Nope. I dont think you can. But that shouldn’t stop you from making a good movie. You see, there is usually isn’t any context in video games like this. You put your 20 cents in the machine and you have 60 second to flail around and mash the buttons and hopefully you win. Kids can’t see five minutes of lore of why there is this contest where people fight to the death and that they can die twice. So what’s the spin on this turd?

You’re in the future and there is this big company that apparently owns everything and their main job is broadcasting a stupid fight. So try to imagine a world run by the WWE wrestling guys. Pretty stupid right? How will they make the economy work? How do they get votes if everyone doesn’t spend 100% of their awake time looking at a stupid fight all the damn time? Anyways, then there is this guy that was trained to fight by his mother. And the only thing he could fight in was the big corporate fight contest. His mother begs him to not fight. Obviously, the corporation kills the mother for no reason at all. Imagine the WWE had a bazooka. So now the guy must fight. Because revenge movie plot reasons.

The only characters I remember from the game was the Brazilian guy that jumps around alot, Yoshimitsu because he is a sword wielding metal badass and Heihatchi. Heihatchi is played by Shang Tsung from Mortal Kombat. So yeah, he crosses franchises. He is also pretty unconvincing as the Heihatchi in the game because he is so old in 2010 and has a weird hair cut that makes his head look like a Le Mans race car from the 70s.

The weird sub-plot in the movie is that Heihatchi is the owner of this big corporation that owns everything. Its name is Tekken. The fight tournament is called Iron Fist. Then Heihatchi’s son is this Mexican looking dude. Then he had an affair with the main guys mom, and the main guy is his son. They all just find this out at the end of the tournament as they all guy.

I could go on and on about why things in this universe don’t make any sense. But you know what you were expecting when you saw that they are still making fighting game movies in 2010. Was it entertaining? No. No real looking fight scenes in a fight movie. Then, only an idiot would think that the shaking camera effect makes the fights more intense. But we’ve seen good movies before. We know that shaking camera is to cover up bad acting and hide the crimes.

The rest of it was shit too. Music, acting, sets, CGI, all of it. One part really stood out for us. The main guy kept having flashbacks of his mother. Before a fight, during a fight, while walking to the fight, having a shower, sitting on the loo, brushing his teeth. Why? Whats wrong with this guy?

Should you watch this movie? No. It commits the worst sin, being boring.

How bad are video game movies?

We know that most movies that are based on a video game are usually bad. But how bad really? I got this list from Wikipedia and I will do some basic statistics.

Title Year Box office rev (m) Rotten Tomatoes “%” Metacritic ”/100”
Super Mario Bros. 1993 $21 15
Double Dragon 1994 $2 8
Street Fighter 1994 $99 12
Mortal Kombat 1995 $122 33 58
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation 1997 $51 3 11
Wing Commander 1999 $12 10 21
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider 2001 $275 19 33
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within 2001 $85 44 49
Resident Evil 2002 $102 33 33
Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life 2003 $157 24 43
House of the Dead 2003 $14 4 15
Resident Evil: Apocalypse 2004 $129 21 35
Alone in the Dark 2005 $10 1 9
Doom 2005 $56 19 34
BloodRayne 2006 $4 4 18
Silent Hill 2006 $98 29 30
DOA: Dead or Alive 2006 $8 34 38
Postal 2007 $0 8 22
Resident Evil: Extinction 2007 $148 22 41
Hitman 2007 $100 14 35
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale 2008 $13 4 15
Far Cry 2008 $1 12
Max Payne 2008 $85 16 31
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li 2009 $13 6 17
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time 2010 $336 36 50
Resident Evil: Afterlife 2010 $296 23 37
Resident Evil: Retribution 2012 $240 30 39
Silent Hill: Revelation 2012 $52 5 15
Need for Speed 2014 $203 23 39
Hitman: Agent 47 2015 $82 8 28
Ratchet & Clank 2016 $12 17 29
The Angry Birds Movie 2016 $343 43 43
Warcraft 2016 $432 29 32

On average, a movie will make you $110m and get you 18% on Rotten Tomatoes and 31/100 on Metacritic. I wonder if its possible to sarcastically make a movie? Paint-by-numbers for the script as a joke and it actually gets the same rating as it was made honestly.

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Do ratings and revenue follow each other? Yes. The correlation is around 0.6. Closer to 1 than it is to 0. This means that the world works. Roughly. Usually, if the critics hate your movie, you will not make much money. The data somewhat agrees with that.

So how much money is each point of critic love? About $6m. So for every percentage point that you get from Rotten Tomatoes, you will make about $6m. If you have 50%, you will make $300m. The Metacritic figure is about 35% less. $3.8m is the value and on average, they tend to rate movies higher.  18% on RT and 31 on MC.

Does MC and RT rate movies similarly? Yes. The correlation is about 0.87. If the correlation was a 1, it would mean that they rate movies identically and if it was a 0, it would mean that there is no similarity.

The best movie according to RT is Final Fanatsy: The spirits within with a 44%. I think i saw it. Ming na does the voice acting? MC gave it a 49/100.

The best movie according to MC is Mortal Kombat with 58/100. We watched this last week, go check the post. RT gave it a 33%.

The worst movie according to RT and MC is 2005’s Alone in the Dark. RT gave it a 1% and MC gave it a 9/100. Thats really low. We much watch it.

I noticed that September and October are a little bit more popular with release months than the rest of the year.

Postal and Far Cry hardly made any money. $146k and $743k respectively. We must watch those junkers too.

So how bad are movies that are based on video games? Very. They don’t make too much money (recently they do) and they usually are rated badly. Bad ratings = low revenue. I think the reason for the recent history for even bad movies to make big money is that they are being released in China too. I dont know how true this is. I assume as much because Adam Sandler movies tend to make its money from non-USA sources. I think the trend will pass in a few years. The eastern audience will wise up to money grabbing movie maker. If they don’t, I’m making a Nokia Snake game.

The Last Dragon

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There is this kid that is different from everyone else. Everyone is talking Jive and this guy is a kung fu student and acts like a robot. He then saves a girl from a gang because he can channel Bruce Lee. He also wears a real Bruce Lee jump suit. Complete with sweat, pubes and skids. His character name was also Bruce Leroy. Get it? Bruce Lee…roy? OK, I’ll move on. The gang comes after him and destroys his family business, he goes after the gang and there is a big fight.

So 1985, whats going on? MTV, Reagan, Berlin wall and tons of Kung Fu on VHS. This is why I think this movie was made. It had a good martial arts guy that is also black. Every other black actor movie was like Beverly Hills Cop or Richard Prior or Bill Cosby.

The bad guy would later also inspire the image of Busta Rhymes.

Here are some parts I recall:

  • The McGuffin of this movie is a pretty singer named “Vanity”. Her vanity name is vanity. You cant get more meta than that. In 1985 anyways. And something bad happens to her whenever black Bruce Lee is around.
  • There is a Mr Miyagi character that teaches Leroy the ways of the kung fu. He was probably drunk as most scenes with him look like he needs to leave the room to take a piss. He gives Leroy a fancy belt and tells him that it has a medallion (the fancy belt buckle) would give him super power. Queue: “oh it wasn’t the external thing and you had it in you all along.”
  • There were three comic characters that seemed to work for not-Busta-Rhymes. They where named “SUM DUM GOY”. This reminds me of MH370… Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, Pull Up Nao and the other fake name from a stupid joke.
  • They knock off the Bruce Lee slow motion frames of him moving his hands to look like duplicate hands.

We did manage to find parallels between this movie and Lord of the Rings. We also noticed the deluxe cheese in the dialogue which triggered our singing responses.

It’s 15 minutes longer than it needs to be but overall, its an entertaining movie. More schlocky than stupid. Watch it. Its good fun.

Double Dragon

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1994 was an important year. The Jean Claude van Damme Street Fighter movie was released a few weeks after this. So is Double Dragon the movie that kicked off all the video game movies? Not quite. That honour sits with Mario Bros. That Dennis Hopper movie. This was only #2 on the list. The list is about 33 movies long from 1993 to 2016. Japan and TV and animated have their own lists too.

Other things that happened in 1994 that I remember:

  • Nelson Mandela was released from 27 years of imprisonment.
  • Netscape Navigator was released and became dominant.
  • OJ and Bronco.
  • Some cruise ship went up in flames near Somalia. It was the Achille Lauro.
  • Ayrton Senna was killed.
  • Satellite TV started.
  • Kurt Cobain stopped living.

And Double Dragon. It had the lovely Alyssa Milano who, at the time, was only known for “Who’s the boss?” TV show. Mark Dacascos who will, in 1995, be in Mortal Kombat, and almost all the other kung fu movies. Just like Shang tsung, who doesn’t act in this. The next star is Scott Wolf who was a nobody to me at the time I watched this. IMDB says he was a random thug in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in 1990. Later in life he gets more fame. The biggest star is in this movie Robert Patrick who we all know as the T1000 from Terminator 2.

This movie is exactly like the arcade game except when it has virtually nothing in common with the game.  When you played the game in two-player mode with your friend then it was really Double Dragon. Normally, people like me who have no friends when they were young would play it in single player mode. So Single Dragon really. Anyways, I remember the game having two guys in Canadian suits (all denim attire) and they walk around from level to level fighting bikers and a boss with a chain. I wasn’t very good at the game and don’t know how it looks towards the end. There wasnt any shit about Kogu Sugo (Robert Patrick) or a split medallion or swords or a cute girl or the fact that one guy was a bit Asian and the other was a bit red-necky.

The short version of this is that there is a good guy that has a half of a medallion and finds out it is magical and now looks for the other half. But he doesn’t have to try that hard because there is a bad guys that has the other half and is looking for his missing piece. They meet, they fight, good guys fumble, bad guy fumbles, good guys win.

Fight scenes sucked, acting was forgettable, and the plot was thin. Nothing stood out for us in this movie except one or two scenes where they show what LA looks like after a flood. Lovely paintings of famous buildings in a state of ruin.

So why was this movie made? I think that some guy painted the ruined LA, Robert Patrick saw it and wanted to buy it but the only condition of sale was to appear as the antagonist in a movie that has nothing to do with a video game but uses its name.

This movie ruined my childhood. Not because I see that its junk now, but the fact that it brought back memories of disappointment of my childhood. Even then, from the start of it, it didn’t look like the game I liked.

Do not watch.

Mortal Kombat

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1995 Mortal Kombat looks like it tries to fix what 1994 Street Fighter failed to accomplish. Having a tournament. It is also now that we realise that tournaments are a stupid idea as well.

The good guys: raiden, sonja, kitana, liu kang, johnny cage.

The bad guys: Shang tsung, sub zero, scorpion, kano, reptile.

For some reason these people are summoned to a tournament where the only prize is that you continue to live. What kind of prize is that? How did they know that this is the best way to get the best fighters. And no actual prize? What the fuck are you thinking movie? At least in the video game you get to put your three initials. But at least offer something to the fighters. Death to losers is a one take deal. No one will accept the invite in the next year. I suppose that they wouldn’t be able to call it ‘Mortal’ Kombat. It would be ‘get hurt and then recover’ Kombat. Who would want to play that game for 20cents at an arcade? Yeah this story does paint itself into a corner. They cant even make a sequel. Who would enter? 9 unknowns with random powers? That being said, I think only the bad guys died in this movie. All the good guys are still alive. Now where’s the ‘Mortal’ in Mortal Kombat movie? Five out of ten die. It supposed to be nine out of ten dead. You lying sack of shit. Well, if I really wanted a genuine tournament, I should have watched Karate Kid.

The Kombat in this movie isn’t really a proper combat. All of the bad guys do sneak attacks on the good guys. Its not a “hey good guy, lets go to the arena and fight right now.”. Its magic and sneak attacks. Oh, and they have a 100% change of failure too. The good guys always play it clean and always win.

So this movie is neither Mortal nor Kombat. So it is a movie? Usually movies have three parts, the introduction, the hardship of the main character and the overcoming of the hardship. This movie doesn’t have hardship despite being a fighting movie. They are trained to fight, so fighting is not hardship. Its just a regular working day.

The sound track also doesnt seem to fit the movie. It fits the time period. Mid 90s. So they have 90’s euro pop like 2Unlimited. Not some martial arts sounds.

Now what can we call it? The sequence of images with a some sounds.

Should you watch “The sequence of images with a some sounds.”?  Not really. Its not that exciting.

 

 

Street Fighter

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The guy that wrote this script was the same guy that wrote: Die Hard 1&2, 48hrs & Another48 Hrs, Commando, Running Man, Old Judge Dredd, Tomb Raider Cradle of life, The Flinstones and a few others. Steven de Souza, what were you thinking?

So in 1994, Awesome actor Raul Julia was terminal and they needed to make this movie before he dies. They also knew it was meant for kids like me at the time. I was literally 12 when it came out and I used to play this game at the arcade for 20cents (2bob as known by friends). So you don’t see much skin from Kylie and Ming Na. Oh, and Jean Claude van Damme was the lead. I dont know the other guys. I think Ken was Samwise Gamjee in Lord of the Flies.

The best way to summarise this movie is that there are a bunch of good guys that work for the UN (actually called the AN in the movie) and they want to catch the main bad guy called M. Bison. Bison is a drug dealer and has many troops in a shitty uniform and he gave himself a title of General and he printed money in anticipation that it will become real currency when we takes over and renames the shitty town of Shadaloo to a new shitty name called Bisonopolis. Everything is shitty with this guy. He put a guy in his shitty lab to brain wash guy with shitty war footage. Then another shitty prisoner was a shitty doctor that was working on this shitty project by force decided to rebel by playing shitty wedding footage to the shitty prisoner. Oh, and the shitty General M. Bison also has a shitty floating desk in his tiny shitty command centre. The desk has video game controllers to make the shitty desk fly. Poor Raul Julia, he had to act as the shitty General M. Bison. I’m sure he had fun. Rest in peace good sir.

The next bad guy was the main henchman called Zangeif. The only memorable thing he does is that he makes a funny. While all the bad guys are gathered at some shitty carnival, they see a tv broadcast of a bomb truck driving towards their tent. Zangeif yells “quick, change the channel!”. What a gem.

The rest of the movie was standard crap:

  • Jean claude was Guile. He is rebelling again coward bureaucrats and is going to fight bison.
  • Ming na is Chun Li and is in avenge mode because Bison killed her father
  • Kylie is Cammy
  • Blanka was the brainwashed guy
  • Dhalsim was the doctor (stereotypes right?)
  • Ken and Ryu were hustlers in Shadaloo and got caught up in all this.

I remember being disappointed when I first saw this because I was expecting a tournament style movie where half of the guys are good & half are bad. But this movie had almost all good guys vs Bison, Zangeif and Vega. Zangeif even joins the good guys at the end. I was also expecting more combo moves like the game but it was just regular fight scenes.

Two trivial things stood out for us. Guile had a USA flag despite is accent. One of the AN troops had a black guy with the old South African flag. The old flag was taken out of service on 27 April 1994 and this movie was released on 23 December 1994.

If there were fewer actors, I’m sure it would have been totally boring. It was only mildly boring right now. I don’t think I will be watching this again. You shouldn’t either. Don’t ruin your childhood.

Showdown in Manilla

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We could give this steamer a new title. “Chapter 11”. Because its the income the actors need before they file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

Showdown in Manilla is a movie that didn’t need to be made about a story that shouldn’t be told. We didn’t know what was going on. It was like watching two movies. The first half was in the city and looked like Transporter/Bourne. The second half was like Platoon.

I think the story was that there is a bad guy (Shang Tsung), and he is trying to kill this local girl. He has an army and kills many policemen in the city and then in the jungle. He gets caught in the end. They never say why he is doing this or why she is the target. There was some brief subplot about her being a prostitute and a daughter of some important guy and the cop was a client. Yeah, its was so convoluted and stupid and nonsensical.

The “actors”:

  • Casper van Dien. He was the guy in starship troopers. And awesome movie. This movie was rubbish. He probably got paid with prostitutes. All of Manilla seemed to have had sex with him and they all know him. Why was this in the movie? It served no purpose.
  • Don ‘the Dragon’ Wilson. He is a martial arts guy and acted in a million other movies. One of his series is the Bloodfist series. Its last one was number 8. In this movie, he looks waaaay too old. He is about 62 now. It shows. Its almost like he had Alzheimer’s and would grenade the wrong cars and hobble to the wrong team because eyesight.
  • Mark Dacascos is the guy from Iron Chef America that always kicks off the episode with his karate chop. He also acted in a million other martial arts movies. He wasn’t too prominent here but that was because he was too busy directing this movie. “Directing”. I used quotes because there wasn’t direction. I am being explicit because he thinks you’re stupid.
  • Alexander Nevsy is a huge buff guy that fucks everyone up. I don’t know him from anywhere. IMDB says he acted in some other shit action movies. But he tries to be Arnold Schwarzenegger. You cant understand a word he says.
  • Matthias Hues is an old blonde bad guy that is probably the best actor here. He acted in a bunch of other movies as a baddie.
  • Cynthia Rothrock is in this. She is random soldier number seven that wears camo clothes but then leaves her hair long and purple. Great work Cynthia. No one will notice long purple hair in the middle of a jungle.
  • Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa is the main bad guy. He was shang tsung in martal kombat and a bunch of other movies. His acting was ok. He was probably the most expensive guy here and they bought four hours of his time and some was paid in booze.
  • Tia Carrere. What can I say? Age has not been kind. We kept laughing throughout this movie when we didnt see her. Because thought that she was out getting KFC for herself and the crew. At the end of the movie, the good guys (Cynthia, Nevsky, Casper and Don) catch the bad guys (Shang and Hues) but Tia says some shit about being the daughter of a sniper and then she slowly shoots the two bad guys. Why? Ever hear the revenge doesnt undo the past? What did they do to you? Did you think you can get away with it? Why would you do this in a police station? Oh she gets away with it. WTF! Why cops? Why did you let a non-cop shoot someone in the station and walk out?

We had a ton of fun watching this movie. It was like a cheap knock off of the Expendables. But with really old shitty acting and actors. The Pensionables would be a better title. It was a movie made to feed Tia for the next week and the rest of the cast for, at least, the next month.

Watch it.

 

Undefeatable

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This movie could have been done in 30 minutes. But we sat through 90 minutes of nonsense. It was, however, a good bad movie. Classic B as we now think about it.

So in 1993, there is this lady, Cynthia Rothrock,  that does martial arts and this producer wanted her to star in it. Because in 1993, no women could be the main actor. Women were only rape victims.

She’s a pretty junk fighter too. Never actually hitting or hurting the bad guys, they pretend to get hurt and have a slow stupid reaction shot. And her mom-jeans. Always with the mom-jeans.

Ok story time. Cynthia is a waitress that does fighting on the side to supplement her income. The fights are stupid with a non threatening opponent. Both sides have their friends in the back acting as cheerleaders. The organizer for these events are these three accountant looking guys that don’t add to the story or establish why they do this and what they get out of it. They just take off from their jobs for 20 minutes and kick off a fight.  For no bloody reason.

All fights end with this one cop randomly patrolling some neighbourhood. He stops, they run away, she gets caught, she gets arrested, she gets let loose.

She is fighting to put her sister through school. Why doesn’t the sister get a job? Why doesn’t she take a loan? Why doesn’t her parents help?

The other part of the movie’s story this one crazy guy who rapes his wife and she runs away. So now he walks the streets and thinks that all women that look similar to his wife, is his wife. He kills their boyfriend and kidnaps the girl. Rapes them, removes their eyes and kills them. Why? He is normal for most things in his life. Why the eyes? He can tell the difference between most people but somehow he has a low accuracy with people that are similar to his wife. This was the most retarded part of the movie. Why does he have low accuracy just for one type of women? Idiot.

Later, its established that he was abused as a child when his parents divorced. Because this needed explaining. Every other thing didn’t need explaining.

The crazy man finally sees Cynthia and it so happens that she looks like his wife. He kidnaps her. But he puts on her fighting pants before getting kidnapped. The cop that always finds Cynthia fighting also finds her kidnapped and they have a final boss fight. Cop vs Crazy.

There was a sub plot about the crazy man’s wife’s psychiatrist getting kidnapped first and then she tries to get away by acting like the abusive Crazy man’s mom. She dies, I think.

This was a good enough movie. Could have been more retarded. The worst sin is to be boring and this movie was close too. The mullets kept us entertained during exposition until we got to the fight scenes. This movie could have been made much better if it was a little bit more retarded.

Watch it. Its good enough.

Killpoint

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Watch this movie right now.

Its 1984 and Cameron Mitchell is rock bottom with his alcoholism. His buddy Leo Fong is with him and they try to rid the world of racism towards asians but not blacks.

We saw these two together before. Low Blow was made by Leo Fong. Cameron was too drunk to even stand in that one.

So what’s it about? This comes from IMDB: “An L.A. cop investigating the rape and murder of his wife traces the crime to a psycho biker gang that smuggles guns. He teams up with an FBI agent to stop them and catch his wife’s killers.”  Now, The gang is only black guys with Cameron as the boss. Then the LA cop is Richard Rowndtree (Shaft) and the FBI guy is Leo Fong.

We haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. Here are some memorable moments:

  • Cameron is always fondling his tiny dog. While in the pool. While having a drink.
  • He tries to give the dog a smoke.
  • He also calls Leo with a “Hey Chinaman!”.
  • He takes the dog to bed.
  • He always mumbles some shit that is not related to the plot.
  • Shaft tells a cop that Leo is coming on this case. The cop asks if Leo was the person where his wife was raped and killed. Shaft says yes. Then the cop asks if Leo is stable to do the work. Shaft replies with “hell no, but he’ll get the job done”. WHAT THE FUCK. Hilarious bullshit dialogue. No need to cut to flashback to explain why Leo is going to act the way he does.
  • Leo thinks he is acting. He isn’t. He is just being Leo.
  • Leo has an awesome haircut.
  • We tried to call Leo on skype, but the number we found on the internet was a fax machine.
  • Shaft was only in one or two scenes. He was probably just paid for two hours on this movie.
  • Cam’s second in command guy is a scary looking guy and probably the best actor in the movie. He’s like a Bond henchman.

Should you watch this? Didn’t I tell you to do it already?