Tekken

tekken

This movie was made in 2010. Did we learn anything from 1994 Double Dragon? or 1995 Mortal Kombat? or 1995 Street Fighter? Nope. I dont think you can. But that shouldn’t stop you from making a good movie. You see, there is usually isn’t any context in video games like this. You put your 20 cents in the machine and you have 60 second to flail around and mash the buttons and hopefully you win. Kids can’t see five minutes of lore of why there is this contest where people fight to the death and that they can die twice. So what’s the spin on this turd?

You’re in the future and there is this big company that apparently owns everything and their main job is broadcasting a stupid fight. So try to imagine a world run by the WWE wrestling guys. Pretty stupid right? How will they make the economy work? How do they get votes if everyone doesn’t spend 100% of their awake time looking at a stupid fight all the damn time? Anyways, then there is this guy that was trained to fight by his mother. And the only thing he could fight in was the big corporate fight contest. His mother begs him to not fight. Obviously, the corporation kills the mother for no reason at all. Imagine the WWE had a bazooka. So now the guy must fight. Because revenge movie plot reasons.

The only characters I remember from the game was the Brazilian guy that jumps around alot, Yoshimitsu because he is a sword wielding metal badass and Heihatchi. Heihatchi is played by Shang Tsung from Mortal Kombat. So yeah, he crosses franchises. He is also pretty unconvincing as the Heihatchi in the game because he is so old in 2010 and has a weird hair cut that makes his head look like a Le Mans race car from the 70s.

The weird sub-plot in the movie is that Heihatchi is the owner of this big corporation that owns everything. Its name is Tekken. The fight tournament is called Iron Fist. Then Heihatchi’s son is this Mexican looking dude. Then he had an affair with the main guys mom, and the main guy is his son. They all just find this out at the end of the tournament as they all guy.

I could go on and on about why things in this universe don’t make any sense. But you know what you were expecting when you saw that they are still making fighting game movies in 2010. Was it entertaining? No. No real looking fight scenes in a fight movie. Then, only an idiot would think that the shaking camera effect makes the fights more intense. But we’ve seen good movies before. We know that shaking camera is to cover up bad acting and hide the crimes.

The rest of it was shit too. Music, acting, sets, CGI, all of it. One part really stood out for us. The main guy kept having flashbacks of his mother. Before a fight, during a fight, while walking to the fight, having a shower, sitting on the loo, brushing his teeth. Why? Whats wrong with this guy?

Should you watch this movie? No. It commits the worst sin, being boring.