This movie is so bad, it will ruin its predecessors.
I watched Episode 1 and 2 about 20 years ago so the story was a bit blurry. I remember that there was a main kid named Bastion and he had a book that put him in a fantasy land and he had to save it from some bad person. The bad person tried to trick him buy making him swap a memory for some arbitrary wish. I was very young.
This piece of shit is way worse. Bastion goes to the same store and finds the same book and rereads it but gets a different story. Because thats how this shitty book works. He jumps into fantasy land, fucks around, jumps out and leaves the book in a place that can be stolen and exploited by some school bullies. The bullies seem to only want to bully him. For no reason, they also live in a parking lot of a shopping mall. And this hideout has fans, TVs, couches, and other shit. How did they bring it there? Did anyone see them? What if the mall wanted to expand the parking lot? So many questions on this point. The bullies opened the- book and saw that it was being written in real time. This tipped the main guy off that he can exploit it somehow because he was able to think of something, it gets written, it materializes. Yes, this is retarded. Why not imagine wealth and disappear? Why not imagine world peace or something? Why is this book unlimited in wishes? What happens when you wish? Is it like fantasy land where you slowly lose your memory? So many questions. Then fantasy land is in turmoil because the real world can affect the fantasy land. The bullies own the book and they were playing loud music so naturally this translates into thunder in fantasy. Then there was a bad guy again in fantasy land. I cant remember.
There’s a strange subplot with Bastion’s father marrying some woman with a daughter and this girl manipulates Bastion and somehow gets hold of some necklace that does magic wishes as well. She gets the book in the end, imagines the end of the story and the problem is solved and the movie ends. I don’t know what the fuck was going on. We’re never told that the marriage is shit and the end has the little girl running to the step father and telling him not to go while he’s packing his car.
There’s more problems. The flying dog in episodes 1 and 2 looked healthy and sounded like he’s full of energy. This dog was put in the washing machine too many times and was fed heroine for a few years. He was missing the thick coat of fur and maybe said about three words in the whole movie.
The rocks creatures in the first two were the size of mountains and were not the type of creatures to get involved in anything or care about anything. They sat and chowed rocks all day. Cannibals. The rock creatures in this movie were the size of humans and they watched TV and curled their rock hair and had a kid wearing rock diapers. What the fuck is going on?
Then there is a stupid couple of dwarf fairy characters that find ways to travel to different places where bastion is. They make annoying fart noises and have stupid-people dialogue.
The cast was a strange choice. The leader of the bullies was Jack Black. He’s not scary. The mother looked like a horse. The daughter was evil. The princess didn’t look like herself in episode 2. Bastion was a different actor. I think everyone beside the father was played by a different actor.
Why was this movie made? The original was made in 1984 and the writer sued the producers for making such a shit movie. The second movie was made in 1990 and that had terrible reviews. This was 1994. Third time lucky? Nope. The child-like empress is also no longer a child and she’s looking to score some dudes. Bastion should have grown up too in this time but is the same age as the first two movies. It costs $17m to make and brought in about $2m. It’s got a 3.4 out of 10 on IMDB. The kids that watched these movies would also have grown up to an age where these types of movies are not appealing. There doesn’t seem to be a reason that this movie should have been made.
Do not watch.