American Ninja 3

amninja3

This movie is confused. The premise is ‘Jackson is back with a new partner’. So you think that Jackson is the main guy right? Nope. He’s the partner of the main guy. The only reason they say this is that the main guy wasn’t acting in this. The new partner also gets to be on the poster of the movie. So why do you talk about Jackson but show me Sean? Fuck you Cannon. Fuck you Golan. Fuck you Globus. You stupid motherfuckers!

I’ll still watch it. Because I know it would be bad.

So Dudikoff gave this one a skip. Why? Its 1988 and he was filming another movie. Platoon Leader and he was the lead. So you think he’s cutting his losses and moving to something better? Think again asshole. Platoon Leader is also a Cannon movie. Just like American Ninja. And its just as bad. So why would Cannon disrupt their franchise? Its silly to have Dudikoff in 1, 2 and 4 but a disposable in 3. It’s probably because Chuck Norris’ brother was the director of Platoon Leader. Aaron Norris wants to make a movie? Sure give him anything he wants. He’s Chucks brother and thats enough to guarantee success. 1988 is also the start of the end of Cannon. Next year they would own distribution but production was some other company and in early 90’s they would close down. Oh, this was shot in sunny South Africa. Because tax incentives.

According to IMDB trivia. Dudikoff didn’t want to go back to South Africa because he was against apartheid. But then he comes back in 1990, during apartheid, to film American Ninja 4. So his reason was forgotten. Oh, and Platoon leader was shot in South Africa too. What the fuck Dudikoff? Do you not know how excuses work?

Now you why it was made, lets figure out what was made. The plot is about some random martial arts champion named Sean that is infected with some virus by a terrorist named Cobra. They don’t tell why any of this is happening. Why would a terrorist care about a karate guy? Anyway, Sean’s father gets killed when Sean was young. Thats the reason he trains like a motherfucker to get real good. There is also a science guy that can science terrorism away with chemicals and lab glassware.

The thinnest plot now starts. Sean is at a karate tournament and witnesses a kidnapping and thats the reason he dedicates his life to solving and saving. Now some ninjas see him and they follow him too. No one knows why any of this happening. There are long chase scenes and at one point Sean and the ninjas end up in water and he does an absolutely magnificent punch under water. Then while more fighting takes place, Jackson, for some reason, has a wardrobe change. For no reason the chase scene has Sean in a glider to find the ninjas and that glider fails. For no reason, Jackson has a truck on the road in the path of the failing glider to pick him up.

At this point I stopped caring about a plot or logic or physics. I just watched some shit moving on a screen and repetitive music in the background. RIP brain cells. You probably were good at some point.

Should you watch this? Only if you hate yourself.