Christian Mingle

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If you’re into some hot Christian manipulation film, you’re in for a treat.

Christian Mingle is a dating website that started in 2001. They do well in getting peoples money and in 2014 they made an app for phone. This movie was released in the same year but I don’t remember them doing heavy-handed marketing for the app. They hired notorious hack Corben Bernsen to direct this movie. He then hired some hacks to do a thing called ‘acting’.

Did they achieve success with this movie? Well, they paid $650 000 to make the movie and it made $19 836 at the theaters. They have a 4.3 on IMDB and 27% of the 305-person audience liked it. So no. They failed. And quite hard. But its a Christian movie so its God’s will if they win & a test if they fail.

The main star is Lacy Chabert. She was the young daughter in Lost in Space. That space movie with Joey from Friends where a robot says “Danger Will Robinson!”. Lacy is single and sees that everyone she knows is married and happy. So she thinks she will become happy if she gets married. She makes a profiles on one website and has two dates. The first guy was interested in someone else at their date place. The second guy was at a quiet coffee shop where there were no opportunity to be distracted because there were no other customers. She goes out of her way to show how ignorant she is about religion. The dude knows this but ignores it because she’s attractive. But no hanky panky until the wedding.

The rest of the movie is about how his family doesn’t like her because she’s not a super-fan of Jesus. She goes with his family to do charity work in Mexico. Then she puts in the effort to learn by getting a ‘jesus for dummies’ book but this gesture is taken completely in the wrong way because they see it as she’s a liar and not just some normal person trying to fit in. Good work Corben. Painting the typical Christian is a self obsessed zealot cunt. Isn’t this the target market your funders paid you to convert into advocates?

So now that she’s an outcast, the dude find the next chick and moves on. The next chick, by the way, holds the record for having the longest neck in the western hemisphere. Probably.

For no reason, she decides to go to back to Mexico to do solo charity work. For some reason the dude is there alone again and they meet and its happily ever after.

What? Why? Are you saying that everything will magically be right if you just become a Super Christian? And that people that are not Christian will never be happy? Nice one Corben. You can fuck right off!

Should you watch this movie? NO! Its really boring, the plot takes up maybe 10 of the 90 minutes. The rest is bullshit conversations and montages.