House of the Dead

housedead2

Oh Uwe. How do you manage to get people to give you money?

So this turd from 2003 is about a some stupid teenagers that look 30 that go to some random island to have a rave but it turns out that there is no rave and there are zombies instead. Then they find weapons, for no reason. Then they go killing the zombies while most of their friends die in the process. Would you predict that the lead survives?

I don’t know how Uwe Boll does it. He gets funding for these movies and none of them are any good. He also seems to target video games to be adapted for film. This may be his first one. Alone in the dark and BloodRayne was in 2005. Dungeon Seige was 2007 and Far Cry was 2008. This time Sega was the sucker. You see them in the opening credits and, for no reason, there was a massive banner in the middle of the jungle rave.

I haven’t played the games but Wikipedia says some shit about a lab and a biochemist and doctor. This has absolutely no relation to anything in the movie. In the movie, there is a rave, kids get there, its dark and no one is around, then zombies fight for and hour.

Uwe doesn’t like details like surnames, each character has one name and one trait. Rudy, Simon, Alicia, Casper, Greg etc. Cartoon characters have more depth. If he cared less, he would have Miami Connection names like John, Jim, Jeff, Jane, Tom and Mark.

There are random flashes of the game in the movie. No reason given and it doesn’t add to the story. It’s also so short that you hardly see what the game is about. But I doubt they wanted to make a movie to sell a game. But you never know how Uwe sells his ideas. It wasn’t a total failure too. It costs about $12m and grossed $14m. I still don’t know if he approached Sega or if they approached him?

Jurgen Prochnow is a recurring star in Uwe’s movies. I’m sure they’re both in on the scam too. At least Jurgen as Das Boot to his credit to make the proposal to the funders seem more legitimate.

So, should you watch it? Yes! Eyecandy, violence and the most stupid plot, acting and dialogue you will see in a long time.