A talking cat !?!

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The exclamations and question mark is part of the title. Its not me being an idiot.

This is a gem. Incoherent story. Bad dialogue. Bad acting. Total gem.

I think the producers saved Eric Roberts’ (Yes, Julia Roberts’ brother) life by pushing him out of the way from a car. And then Eric said that he owes the producer a favour. Then the producer got the first draft of a script, mailed it to Eric, and then told Eric to read it all out on the phone after several bottles of whiskey. The producer the took the audio track and made a movie around it. I’m speculating here, but, if this was not the exact way they got Eric involved, then I don’t know what is. Also, don’t think I’m defending Eric, he’s shit too. But the level of effort he put in this, make it looks like he didn’t even know he was going in this.

So…. the story….

There is this cat that only can talk to a human once. He finds a way to get an old man to meet an old lady who is dealing something with some investors and they wont invest in something because the daughter fucked up the cooking of the cheese puffs. And the daughter fucked it up because she wanted to learn about web programming because the old dumpy looking man was some big shot website programmer.

Then there was another pretty girl that was interested in some guy who was interested in some other guy who was interested in some girl.

So why did this movie get maid? The producer has an audio track of Eric Roberts and two houses that he could film in for the weekend.

Would we watch it again? Probably. Should you? Probably.

Fatal Deviation

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Still St Paddy’s day. And we found this absolute gem.

Think Irish and think ‘martial arts’ movie. Can you picture it? No? Yeah, because no one fucking makes martial arts movies in Ireland.

So there is this guy, Jimmy (guy on the right in the picture), and his father died in some thing. Now he is back home where he grew up (in a barn) to figure it out and probably avenge his father. Sounds like fun.

Memorable moments:

  • Celtic monk trains the fighter
  • Very small fight area but they try hard to fake it
  • Irish accents
  • Chick was good looking. But i dont remember this fact too clearly

This one scores high marks in our books. Watch it.

Leprachaun

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It was Saint Patrick’s day this day and we wanted to watch some junk that involves the Irish.

So Leprachaun was a movie. And it was Irish related, because leprachaun. And it had the promise of seeing Jennifer Aniston in some sexy costumes.

We made it 35 minutes into the movie and really wanted to like it. But we couldn’t. We could have killed it 10 minutes in too. Sooooo boring. Dont watch it. There’s nothing clever or interesting going on.

So, there was a leprachaun in a box and… ah fuck it. It was shit. Dont watch it.

Night train to terror

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God and satan are sitting on a train and they play back events of three people in their window. Then some how they make it look as if they are competing on who is better, god or satan, based on the outcome of these three peoples lives. Oh, and the train is supposed to crash at dawn. For some fucking reason.

It seems like they found these three short stories and then decided to stitch them together to get 90minutes of runtime using some convoluted story of morals. It all bullshit. Then each scene starts with some rock band on a train where the stage looks obviously too big to be a cabin of a train.

Memorable moments:

  • Cameron Mitchell is in this & he is not drunk out of his mind
  • The guy that starts the Man with the golden gun is in this
  • Bull from night court is also in this
  • Devil in the end looks a bit like robert z’dar, but it wasnt him.
  • We ate nachos during this shit
  • it was raining this evening

This was a run of the mill junk. The worst sin a movie can make is to be boring. This move was more boring than it should be. Which can only mean that there was a ton of lazy during the production.

You can watch it if you have nothing better to watch.

Pocket Ninjas

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Good luck to anyone that could watch this for its entire length in one sitting.

There are these three kids that are given ninja skills and powers for no reason by this Aussie dude that wears an american flag.

The kids then find random crooks and beat them up.

Every fight scene has whacky cartoon sounds and actions. Think, Robert Z’dar bouncing up and down on a balloon and making a funny face and doing that rabbit ears thing with his hands by his head. Yeah, pretty fucking retarded.

We did 32 minutes of this shit and then killed it. We dont even know why this movie was made? it wasnt the fighting stunts, wasnt because they could get the z’dar for a weekend, wasnt because of the story.

Do not watch this turd.

A Serbian Film

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This movie was fucked up. It probably inst a bad movie. The maker shows how he reconditioned the main character to do some pretty insane things. The side effect was that we, the audience, we desensitised to it.

Don’t watch it if you have a weak mind. We had to watch 60 minutes of funny Japanese ads to recover from this movie.

Gamera: Guardian of the earth

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A 1995 movie that’s actually not too bad. We think it may be too good for us.

The acting was good, the miniature sets were amazing, the story was good. The premise was retarded however. There was these pterodactyls that were irritating humans and Gamera, that was hibernating, wakes up to save the humans. All while the humans shoot at poor Gamera.

Gamera also is rocket powered with the four exhausts near his rear legs and in his ass. He has teeth that are rockets and they can reload.

I dont remember anything really bad about it. Watch it if you like good movies.

Turkish spiderman

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The official title is 3 Dev Adam which is literally translated to Three Mighty Men. There are about 6 Spidermen and Captain America and Nacho Libre. They’re all bad guys and they fight with fake Timothy Dalton.

We loved this movie and did know why was anyone doing anything or why they are the bad guys, why they chose these costumes, what they were stealing, why was it so important to catch them. They didnt catch them too. WTF is strong in this movie.

Its about 60 minutes long and that probably because of all the hard cuts in the movie. Its a 1973 movie that celebrates copyright infringement and the Turkish disdain for America.

Here are some memorable moments:

  • Spiderman, Captain America and Nacho go to strip clubs to chill out.
  • Those fucking hard cuts on every scene.
  • 5 Spidermen die but the 6th one was the real one.
  • Spiderman’s mask allows for his monster bush eyebrows to be threaded through the eye holes.
  • All the music is knock offs of James Bond music.
  • Fuck origin story.
  • Spiderman’s costume looks like pyjamas.
  • Nacho does some sweet wrestling moves.
  • Loud 70’s shirts.
  • Captain America wore some Native American jersey with a built in scarf.
  • They kill a guy with a rat through a tube stuck on a guys face.
  • Good bad-guy-laughs.

This is retarded. Watch it.