This wasn’t the first movie choice for us this night.
The first pick was The Tomb. The first few minutes looked amazing. Like it would even be a good movie. Then it sucked. Our rule is “if it still sucks after 30 mins, we pick another”. It was so damn boring. People walk around and recite the script that they memorised.
The second pick was Escape from Galaxy 3. This looked like a sequel to starcrash. That movie with that belter Caroline Munro and David Hasselhof. Well this one didnt have them, or texan ‘cops’, or the count dracula bad guy, or Afro Acton. It did have the Count’s space ship which was a metal hand that looked like lego. I vaguely remember starcrash and i think that hand-spaceship footage was copied from starcrash and not new. After 10 minutes, we weren’t inspired and then moved to the third movie.
Exterminator 2 is 90 minutes of robert ginty and shaft driving a shitty dump truck and killing bad guys.
The dump truck was the star of the show, robert fucking ginty presses a button to compact a bad guy inside the dump part, but the guy doesn’t even seem to be in any discomfort. He doesnt even seem to dislike the smell of a garbage truck insides. Which means that the filthy truck is kind and considerate. Then robert fucking ginty installs cardboard ramming bar/sheet at the front to push cars or things out of the way. But you know its not going to work when the truck drives around a bumpy road and the bar bounces around.
Ok so the reason that the teuck had mods, its cos the bad guys killed shaft. Shaft is such a cool cat, he finishes his dump truck job at night by going direcrly to a bar. No smell, truck is awesome. Then he is always bouncy and a cool cat and getting girls to party with him.
Robert fucking ginty wears the same jacket in every scene.
Fuck this movie. Its boring. Dont watch it. We didnt watch the first exterminator movie but im sure it will suck.
Ps. If youre wondering why my watch list looks a lot like red letter media, its because i follow their awesome lists and opinions. Seriously, you should check them out on youtube.
This movie was made by the same guy that made Samurai cop. Except that this movie is better because its got Cameron Mitchell.
The plot, as far as we could tell, was that some bad guys kidnapped a kid that was washing his goat, and then demanded six million dollars ransom to return the kid. The parents that have to fulfil the ransom were a single mom that didnt have a job, and a dead beat father that was having sexy time with three other girls. So… why these people? They aren’t worth anything. We dont know. Why 6m$? We dont know? They didn’t have a reason to want that money. They could have even asked for 100 bucks and it would have had the same plot.
We found this movie on youtube and the uploader has english subtitles (to an english audio track). But the subtitles included additional things like music notes when music was playing, “[vicious slapping]” when someone got slapped around viciously, “whap”, “thud”. So obviously there is a market for b movies targeted at deaf people. Who knew?
- one of the bad guys was italian, so his name was ‘spa-ghe-ti’
- racist dialogue to asian waiter
- kid didnt want to come inside the house because he wasnt done washing his goat.
- kid suffers no trauma and has no fear as his kidnapper shout at him.
- one shot of the hollywood sign and no other indicators that this is hollywood
- one bad guy named Animal, is rough with girls and laughs all the time.
- the buddy cop duo was named Turkey and Jaguar
- Cameron mitchell was drunk. And it was awesome. He needed more screen time.
- cop tells an arab man right after his wife was raped: “hey, i know he just fucked your wife, but what did he look like?”
- arab man with a machete cliche
So back to the plot. Why did anyone do anything in this movie? We dont know why the kidnap took place. We dont know why these two cops are partners. We dont know why the arab man sub plot was put in because they conclude it immediately and it adds nothing to the story.
4.2 on imdb. Watch it. its awesome.
This movie is also known as “Killer Workout”. Who gives their move two names? You couldn’t decide so you publish is as “Aerobicide also known as Killer Workout”. This smells a lot like there was a 50/50 ownership of this movie and not 49.9/50.1.
Anyways. This movie is awesome, its got the Deadly Prey guys and I think Danton (the main Deadly Prey guy, or also known as Deadly Prey) is the writer and director. The other actors we recognised are ‘sunglasses guy’, he’s the guy that that shoots all of his henchmen, and the captain guy, he’s the guy with the granades on the table.
Back to Aerobicie. Here’s what we saw… There is a gym that has sexy ladies doing sexy workouts to sexy 80’s music. There work out mainly consists of jumping on the spot so that their tits bounce, and bending over to show their ass and panties to any passersby. Now, in this gym, there is a killer, that kills using a big safety pin. So we wondered why a safety pin? Not a usual gun, or machete, or shiv, or dumbell. The only reason is that they wanted some other exotic prop, but this was filmed in a weekend and the real prop would arrive 3 days later. Who knows. So in the end, the lead actress smiles and shows the safety pin as if she’s the killer (oh, spoilers). But in the middle of the movie, she was arrested and in the back of a cop car when another murder in the gym, with a safety pin, took place. So then who done it? we’ll never know.
- lead actress is burnt by a tanning bed, (more like tanning George Foreman Grill, amirite?) but, despite being in a full body bed, her face is not burnt. WTF
- Deadly prey is in the same street corner carrying the same two garbage bags
- creepy gym guy was creepy
- either no man had a penis, or, for some reason, they all had tranny tuck jobs, so that they looked like they were wearing women’s pants/shorts.
- a girl breaks into the men’s changing room to sniff a guys jockstrap
- there is a locker with a rubber hand that pops out when you open it. and despite looking like every other locker, everyone always opens up this booby trapped locker.
- the killer kills a girl in the shower, then goes through the effort of stuffing the body into a locker.
- at one point we thought that it would be wise if the coroner left a pile of body bags at the gym because
- many people were dying on a regular basis, but the gym must go on
Watch this movie. Its awesome. it get a 4.8 on IMDB. (I dont know why i post IMDB ratings, they do not inform my decision in any way.)
This is a popular b movie. But i dont think its the best as many other b fans think. Its got tons of silly scenes but no big wtf scene.
Most of the wtfs are because of incoherent screen play. I think the director made an initial cut, then added scenes, then cut and added again. This might explain why the main actor, samurai cop, clearly wears a wig in some scenes. Theres even scenes where it wasnt cut where you would think it should have been cut. Like when the sidekick kisses the cop boss. The boss shouts at him and then laughs. The laughing made no sense.
Also the main guy uses a sword a few times but thats not a good reason to call him a samurai.
Then robert z’dar acts in it. Best bad guy in a b movie ever. I wonder if there is a movie with robert zdar and cameron mitchell. Oh wait. Terror in beverly hills has them and it delivers. Close the fucking doors.
Anyways. The best scene, apart from all the girls literally saying “wanna fuck?”, is when the sidekick cop goes under a wall instead of climbing over it. Samurai asks him “why did you go under it?”. He replies with “cos im an undercover cop”.
I cant remeber the premise. All i can say it that the good guys win at the end.
Another b movie trait is when you watch it and you keep saying “WHAT?”. So remember that next time you’re watching a movie.
What do you think of when you hear the name cameron mitchell? Yes, drunk on set.
This guy looked so drunk, he couldn’t talk or stand up. He was quiet and on a chair the whole movie. Wearing sunglasses and a cape. When he slept, he wore the head piece of the cape.
So this movie starts with leo fong shooting at some bad guys that were robbing a restaurant. He doesnt hang around for the cops, he just says “keep the sandwich” and walks out. He also seems to live at a dump.
Michael michaelson also stars in this gem. He is the father of a girl that was kidnapped by cameron mitchells cult. But this cult just did gardening and brainwashing to do more gardening. We need more of these cults really.
Michaelson hires low blow to get the daughter. He does, because plot.
I wish cameron mitchell wasnt so drunk. We would have had a good speech before he shoots someone.
Here’s another stinker that hits high scores on shit lists.
I hear that this movie was made to capitalise on the success of troll 1. Its not a sequel or related in anyways. I think it was originally titled GOBLINS.
So these goblins kidnap you, feed you and then eat you. They never have movement in the faces. Because it was a cheap rubber mask.
- sister does a funny dance
- Kid pees on the food to prevent family from eating poisonous food
- Father tightens belt to “stop the hunger pains”
- Two dudes like to play with each other on the bed of a mobile home.
- One dude makes the famous “oh my god!” Cry
Watch it. Dont watch it. Whatever.
What do you do if you win an award for good directing of sports events? You start making movies obviously. This is how andy sidaris got his start. And then rather than writing a story and casting the movie. You find a cast and then figure out what you can shoot in one take with the props and locations that surround you right now.
Can you see where this is headed. We watch a few of his movies. Hard ticket to hawaii, guns and Picasso trigger. And here’s whats common:
- Same actresses. Playboy models.
- Exposition is always in a bathtub with these washing their filthy boobs.
- If theres an old junker car, it will explode.
- Theres the same restaurant where the bad guy hangs out.
- Theres a cross dressing clerk at the restaurant.
- A motorcycle will break a dry wall.
- Theres radio controlled cars or helicopters
- Theres a helicopter scene
- Theres a light aircraft scene
- The girls wear sexy khakis and gogo boots
- Theres a red jeep wrangler.
- Henchmen are a big hawaiian and a dude with a ponytail.
Andy made 14 of these “movies” and we need to watch them all. Because boobs right?
What more can be said about this gem. The only competing movie for all time b movie junk is birdemic. They try their best to make a straight movie and then fail spectacularly.
Never watch this alone either.
So the main guy johnny is having relationship trouble with his slut girlfriend. But who cares. Here’s some character traits:
- Johnny laughs at anything. And he starts every sentence with “oh hi”
- Denny is a friend or something that wants to bang johnnys girl. And then tell johnny this. Fuck.
- The girl bang johnnys best friend mark
- Mark is banging his friends girl
- The mother has cancer and no one gives a shit
So watch it. Make a drinking game out of it too. Everytime they throw a ball around, take a shot.
The most awesome movie ever. Danton is Deadly prey and he fucks everyone up cos he is badass.
The bad guys are training for something. And the way they train is by kidnapping random people from a town nearby. The boss of the bad guys also kill his own men. Usually the boss will kill one guy to make an example to prevent disobedience. This idiot kills like half his men. Danton could just wait it out and be victorious.
Cameron mitchell is in here. And he is a gem. He asked a guy “are you a friend or foe?” The bad guy says he is a friend. And cameron kills him anyways. Then he gives the robot actor michael michaelson a long speech about the meek fucking up the rich who sit in their penthouses. I dont remember. But its gold.
The best reason to watch this is for the end. Danton breaks off a bad guy’s arm and then beats the bad guy with that arm.
Theres also a 2013 deadliest prey movie. We need to watch it. Its supposed to be a b movie too.
We watch a ton of B movies and i saw someone make this graph. I dont remember where, so i made my own. But a good b movie is one thats so good its bad. Most B movies are just boring. The redlettermedia guys describe it perfectly. The producers and actors play it straight and try hard to make a good movie. And they fail completely.
Edit: that quality axis should go the other way. Good quality is on the left not the right.