That’s Sean Connery in a wedding dress. Your argument is invalid.

We watched Zardoz a while back. Its insane and i dont remember the plot very clearly. But from what i saw, i think sean connery was a killer of something and then joins some immortal people to be less of a killer or something.

But what i can say is that we enjoyed watching it. Even if it made no sense.

Robot Jox

robot jox

This cowboy said “I’ll see you in hell” & then gives us a thumb-up. Ok then.

Robot Jox is not a terrible movie. A b-movie will try their best to play it straight & then fail. They dont fail. I think its just a very very cheaply made movie. Imagine the robots from pacific rim but made with the budget of about 100 bucks.

So, this movie is set in the future. And war is banned in the future. So nations battle it out “trial by combat” style using these things. The lead actor, at the start, tried to stop a missile fist going into the crowd and killing tens of people. He jumped in front of the fist and flew back into the crowd to end up killing hundreds of people. Smart move asshole. Now the Jox company, or whatever, has to find a new pilot. They have a jungle gym for kids in a room and they sprayed it silver because in the future, everything is silver. The gym scaffold pipes are booby-trapped. A toddler could pass it if you just observe for a few minutes how other people are failing.

The rest of the movie was slow and boring. The budget was in the robots & the rest of the movie was padding to get to the start and end fights. It got a 5.3 on imdb.



Ever wondered what would happen when you mix robocop with predator? This movie attempts to answer exactly that.

So Robowar is basically a dude in a motorcross biker suit and he is in the Philippines where the BAM (big ass motherfuckers) are hunting him down. There are long scenes where nothing happens to pad the movie from 40 mins to 90 minutes.

ROBOWAR always says some garbage and then ends it with “greasy”.  Like “bididbidieidpeodpe greeasy”. For some reason.

Some other army was chasing some other group through the woods and killed everyone but the only girl. This girl joins the BAM and they give her a gun. For some reason because they don’t even know if she knows how to use a gun of what she was doing in the woods.

The lead actor here was the very same pilot in Space Mutiny. We didn’t plan to watch these two movies on the same night. But hey, strange things happen on stupid movie night.

This movie scored 4 on IMDB. I think all the reviewers were quite generous.

Space mutiny


Where did Cameron Mitchell buy that Santa beard?

Ok try to keep up. Space mutiny is 90 minutes of sci-fi. That uses stock footage of the 70s Battlestar Galactica in another story where an officer of this ship tries to take over. I didnt pay attention as to why he wanted to take over. The current captain is Cameron Mitchell who then hands over the captain title to some fighter pilot just because his “daughter” had the hots for the pilot. I used quotes for daughter because that actress seemed to be Cameron Mitchell’s age and waaay older than the pilot.

There was a chase scene where they re-bodied some golf carts with what looked like card board. You can see how flimsy it is as they took their 3 kph corners. Mind you, all corners were right turns. Because this movie was shot in some refinery or something.

Oh, and they killed some lady and in the very next shot, she was at her desk doing her work. This gem got 2 out of 10 on imdb. I could delete that shot and instantly make this go from 2 to 3.

If you like bad movies, watch this turd.



This movie was made after robocop. Probably about 2 minutes after it.

Rotor is a robot cop that goes around killing all the bad guys. Plot sounds familiar?

Cheap props, bad dialogue, incoherent screenplay, non existent plot. Whats not to love.

But like samurai cop,  this movie is popular with the b movie crowd, but i didnt think it was that great. No big what the fuck moment. Just many small ones.

Hands of steel


What would you do if you had a camera and the first terminator movie just came out? Make a bad knock off obviously.

I dont know why anyone was doing anything in this movie. We do know that the main guy, hands of steel, was named paco qufjoxjwjfif, or something, had hands made out of steel. Like terminator.  And some of the bad guys were all metal.

He sweats a lot, drives a lot and saves a girl. There was a arm wrestle scene i think. Or am i thinking of R.O.T.O.R.? More on that in another post.

Samurai cop


This is a popular b movie. But i dont think its the best as many other b fans think. Its got tons of silly scenes but no big wtf scene.

Most of the wtfs are because of incoherent screen play. I think the director made an initial cut, then added scenes, then cut and added again. This might explain why the main actor, samurai cop, clearly wears a wig in some scenes. Theres even scenes where it wasnt cut where you would think it should have been cut. Like when the sidekick kisses the cop boss. The boss shouts at him and then laughs. The laughing made no sense.

Also the main guy uses a sword a few times but thats not a good reason to call him a samurai.

Then robert z’dar acts in it. Best bad guy in a b movie ever. I wonder if there is a movie with robert zdar and cameron mitchell. Oh wait. Terror in beverly hills has them and it delivers. Close the fucking doors.

Anyways. The best scene, apart from all the girls literally saying “wanna fuck?”, is when the sidekick cop goes under a wall instead of climbing over it. Samurai asks him “why did you go under it?”. He replies with “cos im an undercover cop”.

I cant remeber the premise. All i can say it that the good guys win at the end.

Another b movie trait is when you watch it and you keep saying “WHAT?”. So remember that next time you’re watching a movie.

Low blow


What do you think of when you hear the name cameron mitchell? Yes, drunk on set.

This guy looked so drunk, he couldn’t talk or stand up. He was quiet and on a chair the whole movie. Wearing sunglasses and a cape. When he slept, he wore the head piece of the cape.

So this movie starts with leo fong shooting at some bad guys that were robbing a restaurant. He doesnt hang around for the cops, he just says “keep the sandwich” and walks out. He also seems to live at a dump.

Michael michaelson also stars in this gem. He is the father of a girl that was kidnapped by cameron mitchells cult. But this cult just did gardening and brainwashing to do more gardening. We need more of these cults really.

Michaelson hires low blow to get the daughter.  He does, because plot.

I wish cameron mitchell wasnt so drunk. We would have had a good speech before he shoots someone.

Troll 2


Here’s another stinker that hits high scores on shit lists.

I hear that this movie was made to capitalise on the success of troll 1. Its not a sequel or related in anyways. I think it was originally titled GOBLINS.

So these goblins kidnap you, feed you and then eat you. They never have movement in the faces. Because it was a cheap rubber mask.

Noteable moments:

  • sister does a funny dance
  • Kid pees on the food to prevent family from eating poisonous food
  • Father tightens belt to “stop the hunger pains”
  • Two dudes like to play with each other on the bed of a mobile home.
  • One dude makes the famous “oh my god!” Cry

Watch it. Dont watch it. Whatever.

Hard ticket to hawaii


What do you do if you win an award for good directing of sports events? You start making movies obviously. This is how andy sidaris got his start. And then rather than writing a story and casting the movie. You find a cast and then figure out what you can shoot in one take with the props and locations that surround you right now.

Can you see where this is headed. We watch a few of his movies. Hard ticket to hawaii,  guns and Picasso trigger. And here’s whats common:

  • Same actresses.  Playboy models.
  • Exposition is always in a bathtub with these washing their filthy boobs.
  • If theres an old junker car, it will explode.
  • Theres the same restaurant where the bad guy hangs out.
  • Theres a cross dressing clerk at the restaurant.
  • A motorcycle will break a dry wall.
  • Theres radio controlled cars or helicopters
  • Theres a helicopter scene
  • Theres a light aircraft scene
  • The girls wear sexy khakis and gogo boots
  • Theres a red jeep wrangler.
  • Henchmen are a big hawaiian and a dude with a ponytail.

Andy made 14 of these “movies” and we need to watch them all. Because boobs right?