What would you do if you had a gymnast for the week? Make a terrible b-movie obviously!
We watched Gymkata last week.
Gymkata is a about a gymnast that looks for his father that has been kidnapped by a gang in Serbia. As soon as he finds his father, the gang kills the father and then gymkata kills everyone in sight. To get to the father, he has to perform some test. Obviously with these movies, if you fail the test, you die.
Apparently, Gymkata guy invented a style of fighting called gymkata that combines gymnastics and karate.
- There is a guy with a face mask on the back of his head and he wears clothes backwards to fool the opposition. He fails.
- Everyone is wearing some iron-age period clothes except some russian guys wearing what russian guys wear. Track pants and track jacket. He failed.
- The leader of the gang wore a hospital patient gown with the back cut out so his ass shows. He failed.
- People make “haai – YA!” noises when they fight.
- The bad guys are dressed like ISIS.
- The bad guys place random henchmen around with flags to point victims to no-go areas. probably because its hard to clean dead bodies there. Or maybe they grow potatoes there. Or whatever. (I’m trying hard not to say “for some reason”)
- There is a salt mine. In a warehouse.
- There is a sexy girl. She was a playboy model once. You can even find nudes online.
- The Serbian town that housed the gang looked like a mental asylum. Everyone looked like they had 10% more chromosomes.
- The rules of the challenge was something out of a Drew Carey show “hey welcome to gymkata, where everyone is a bad guy and the rules dont matter”
This is a Class-A b-movie. Its a movie that plays it straight and takes itself very seriously and fails spectacularly. Watch it.