Night train to terror

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God and satan are sitting on a train and they play back events of three people in their window. Then some how they make it look as if they are competing on who is better, god or satan, based on the outcome of these three peoples lives. Oh, and the train is supposed to crash at dawn. For some fucking reason.

It seems like they found these three short stories and then decided to stitch them together to get 90minutes of runtime using some convoluted story of morals. It all bullshit. Then each scene starts with some rock band on a train where the stage looks obviously too big to be a cabin of a train.

Memorable moments:

  • Cameron Mitchell is in this & he is not drunk out of his mind
  • The guy that starts the Man with the golden gun is in this
  • Bull from night court is also in this
  • Devil in the end looks a bit like robert z’dar, but it wasnt him.
  • We ate nachos during this shit
  • it was raining this evening

This was a run of the mill junk. The worst sin a movie can make is to be boring. This move was more boring than it should be. Which can only mean that there was a ton of lazy during the production.

You can watch it if you have nothing better to watch.

Pocket Ninjas

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Good luck to anyone that could watch this for its entire length in one sitting.

There are these three kids that are given ninja skills and powers for no reason by this Aussie dude that wears an american flag.

The kids then find random crooks and beat them up.

Every fight scene has whacky cartoon sounds and actions. Think, Robert Z’dar bouncing up and down on a balloon and making a funny face and doing that rabbit ears thing with his hands by his head. Yeah, pretty fucking retarded.

We did 32 minutes of this shit and then killed it. We dont even know why this movie was made? it wasnt the fighting stunts, wasnt because they could get the z’dar for a weekend, wasnt because of the story.

Do not watch this turd.

EDIT 22 months later in January 2018.

We watched the remainder of this movie. What the fuck? There are a million training montages and the good guys or bad guys don’t seem to be improving after every training session. Then the plot makes no sense. There is some shit about chemical barrels that are being moved around. Then the bad guys kidnap the mother of one of the good guys. But they try kidnapping her with something tied to the end of the fishing rod. They tie money to the end of the line and the mother didn’t run after it. Then they try it again with a shopping coupon and she took the bait.

After more training montages, we see a chase scene that takes place in the crowd of some festival on the streets of the area. The chase had no reason to take place. No one knew the other party would be there or have a reason to be there with their shitty dragon masks.

After even more training montages, we have an ending. Its a fight, but not a real fight. Its some bullshit virtual reality fight where the two game characters are Robert z’Dar and another dude. The players of the game are the main villain, Cobra Khan, a 12 year old idiot, and the the ninja good kids. The actions of the players don’t match the game character movements. The VR costume is a janky helmet with the visor falling off and slinkys tied to the player’s hands.

Really terrible movie.

 

A Serbian Film

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This movie was fucked up. It probably inst a bad movie. The maker shows how he reconditioned the main character to do some pretty insane things. The side effect was that we, the audience, we desensitised to it.

Don’t watch it if you have a weak mind. We had to watch 60 minutes of funny Japanese ads to recover from this movie.