Hard Hunted


Another Andy Sidaris movie.

I think he’s running out of ideas but the cash is still rolling in. He has 8 airplanes in this movie.

The bad guy is an asian guy who is pissed off because he got a bad haircut. He does look a lot like Mr Miyagi. Then the main star is Dona Spier, who looks like she need a holiday from all the Sidaris movies.

The good guys need to find a trigger for a laser that is hidden in a green soap bar. The good guys are helped by some radio station dj that talks with very slight cryptic phrases to the good guys that are always on this station. They dont even play music or talk all the time. So if you can hear something, its probably a message to the spy.

Boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs, planes, planes, planes, planes, planes, planes, planes, planes, gunshots, gunshots, gunshots, gunshots, gunshots, gunshots, end.

Dont wasted your time with this, unless you’re like us and need to watch all the Sidaris movies.


Russian Terminator


Most amazing film.

In 1989, some russians found a book on how to make an action thriller movie. They didnt speak any english, so they just directly translated everything and made it. Unfortunately for them, but fortunately for us, they didnt know that it was a template book, and that you had to specify what the macguffin was and why the bad guys were bad and what would happen if they didnt stop the bad guys. So the dialogue was pretty much “we need to stop the bad man before he does a bad thing” and “We need to give him the paper with the information”.

Then the main guy with a massive platinum afro was called Mr. Robinson. Nothing is as russian as the surname of Robinson.

Oh and after the translation was done, it was written in phonetics in russian so now we have dialogue where the actor has no idea what he is saying and no idea what sound needs to be emphasized. This give us a phrase “Thats what friends. Are for.”

In one scene, they good guys uncover a plot hole. They wondered why the ninja would ask them to do something and then just do it himself anyways. Genius.

More memorable moments:

  • Mr Robinson is an old guy that wears a robotech jersey.
  • One guy says to an enemy guy “you’ve got a problem. you’re gonna die.” Then shoots.
  • There’s a point blank shotgun shot
  • A castle on the outside, but a dumpy apartment on the inside.

You have ninja stuff, fight scenes, guns, an unspecified threat, strange actors. So why was this movie made? I dont know. There is no original spin to a generic story. None of the actors are any good. No scene or theme stands out. I think it was made to bring shame to countrymen that made it.

Watch this gem. Totally worth your 90 minutes.

Sheena: queen of the jungle


We watched this a long time ago & i’m only posting this here to say that this movie is not shit.

A bit boring. But a good enough movie. Pretty actress, decent plot (girl grown up by african tribe because parents killed)

We made it about 20 minutes and then called it ‘too good for us’

Oh, that actress is Tanya Roberts, after this movie (1984), she was pulled into playing the bond girl in View to a Kill, that Dalton one with May Day and Walken.



Its 1982 and you’re good at making rubber masks….

There is some retarded alien that comes to earth, infects one person at a time and then when the infection matures, the alien goes back to its planet. So the chain can break if there is something wrong with one link in the chain. Pretty dumb aliens. You can master space flight but can do invasions properly. Idiots.

So the alien converts a few people here and those people die and an alien emerges from their body to infect a new human. All one at a time.

There was a clever part where the alien is able to keep the memories of the person it infected/killed/ate/whatever.

Maryam d’abo (that cellist from the dalton james bond) has a nude scene. So there’s that.

There was an awesome gore scene where the woman gives birth to a grown man.

Watch this movie.

Apparently there is an Xtro 2 and 3 and 4. Maybe we’ll watch it one day. We still have many more other shit movies to watch.



In 1984, you’re racist and you need to make a movie that brings races together. So you make a casually racist movie about break dancing.

Apparently the reason this movie was made was to be the first in making this type of movie by the producers, Cannon films. I think they were competing with Orion films’ Beat Street. We haven’t seen Beat Street, but we will now.

Here’s the story….

There is this girl that it a gymnast/ballerina and she sees these hoodlum break dancers do some break dance demo in the studio. The owner of the studio kick them out because he either doesn’t like their ethnicity or he doesn’t know how to teach break dancing or maybe he doesn’t know if break dancing is high art that will be acceptable in theatres. No he’s racist.

The main actors have credit names like “shabba-doo” and “boogaloo shrimp” and they to the ‘you got served’ type of dancing where it looks like its a competition but also looks like a fight and its also a dance. We didn’t understand any of it because we did know how to tell if anyone was winning. There isnt any scoring system or way to compare technique. You know, like gymnastics, where its all a formula and you see how close you can get to perfect. Break dancing is all random and spinning on the head.

The middle of the movie has the hoodlums reject the gym girl because they ‘dont want hand outs’ just after they tell here that ‘no one helps them’. I don’t know what they wanted out of the girl. But to be honest, I was distracted by the shitty audio.

The last scene forces on you some ‘underdogs win’ feeling where the break dancers break into the ‘big auditions’ and then force the judges to see them dance and then this will convince the judges to say ‘you win the big auditions’. But we’re never told what were the auditions for. If it was for a break dancers show, then these guys would be good. If it was for swan lake, then probably not.

This was classic 80’s movie. ‘the gang’ needs to get ‘the big contract’ by winning the ‘big audition’ and beat the ‘big competition’. Anyone that found this movie good in the 80’s is probably a loser nowadays. Because the movie doesn’t make any sense. There isn’t enough detail to give a sense of legitimacy to why anyone is doing anything. It would only be good if you’re amazed at shiny lights and easily distracted.

Watch it if you hate the 80’s.

Death Wish 3

Charles Bronson is old and needs to make a few bucks to pay for his funeral in 1985.

Paul Kersey (Bronson) is a vigilante and is hired by a lazy cop to go clean up the streets. So Paul leaves valuable things lying around so that someone can steal it and he can kill them for it. Pretty simple.

The first 10 minutes are enough premise to give Paul an excuse to murder pretty much everyone. He gives zero fucks and kills everyone. It is hilarious and it doesnt pause. The last one has a bazooka at point blank range.

Watch it.


Death Bed


It’s 1977 and you have a four-post bed that you have to store for the weekend before it goes to the customer. So how can you make money out of this situation? Make a horror movie obviously.

There is a demon that lives in a painting and he somehow kills anyone that sleeps on the bed. That it.

The producers try to make it more arty and creative by changing the location of the bed, the background story of each victim and the way the bed eats the victim. Its all junk. But its a good junk movie.

Watch it.

A talking cat !?!


The exclamations and question mark is part of the title. Its not me being an idiot.

This is a gem. Incoherent story. Bad dialogue. Bad acting. Total gem.

I think the producers saved Eric Roberts’ (Yes, Julia Roberts’ brother) life by pushing him out of the way from a car. And then Eric said that he owes the producer a favour. Then the producer got the first draft of a script, mailed it to Eric, and then told Eric to read it all out on the phone after several bottles of whiskey. The producer the took the audio track and made a movie around it. I’m speculating here, but, if this was not the exact way they got Eric involved, then I don’t know what is. Also, don’t think I’m defending Eric, he’s shit too. But the level of effort he put in this, make it looks like he didn’t even know he was going in this.

So…. the story….

There is this cat that only can talk to a human once. He finds a way to get an old man to meet an old lady who is dealing something with some investors and they wont invest in something because the daughter fucked up the cooking of the cheese puffs. And the daughter fucked it up because she wanted to learn about web programming because the old dumpy looking man was some big shot website programmer.

Then there was another pretty girl that was interested in some guy who was interested in some other guy who was interested in some girl.

So why did this movie get maid? The producer has an audio track of Eric Roberts and two houses that he could film in for the weekend.

Would we watch it again? Probably. Should you? Probably.

Fatal Deviation


Still St Paddy’s day. And we found this absolute gem.

Think Irish and think ‘martial arts’ movie. Can you picture it? No? Yeah, because no one fucking makes martial arts movies in Ireland.

So there is this guy, Jimmy (guy on the right in the picture), and his father died in some thing. Now he is back home where he grew up (in a barn) to figure it out and probably avenge his father. Sounds like fun.

Memorable moments:

  • Celtic monk trains the fighter
  • Very small fight area but they try hard to fake it
  • Irish accents
  • Chick was good looking. But i dont remember this fact too clearly

This one scores high marks in our books. Watch it.