Karate Cop

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This movie is the sequel to 1990 Omega Cop. And was probably made at the same timeĀ  but released a year later. So in 1991, we have our hero, the memorable John Travis and he must kill the bad guys. With his silly hat that says “Special Police” as in a euphemism for retard.

Oh, post-apocalyptic dystopian blah blah blah….

Ratso makes a reprisal but is now the main guy.

Guess how must Karate is used in this movie? Zero. Yup.

Yes watch it.

Captain America

Captain-America

1990’s superhero. For some reason, the genre didnt die because this era had some turds. Except 1989 Michael Keaton Batman.

So this dude, Steve Rogers, Is a retard cripple kid in nazi era, he then is strapped to a missile and shot into Alaska. He wakes up in 1990, gets to the other parts of America, hijacks people, and then thinks its still 1943 and that nazis are winning, and then kills the red skull.

Boring plus a two funny scenes. Both funny scenes were captain, hijacking people.

There are some obviously junky miniatures, bad acting, stupid plot.

I also hate superhero movies.

Should you watch it? Meh, whatever.

Omega Cop

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Imagine the future. Yes its distopian and the world only contains one street, a park and a basement. This, folks, is 1990’s Omega Cop.

There is a the main good cop, AKA Omega Cop, AKA John Travis, and he is fighting some slave traders. But this world doesnt seem to have customers that would actually buy the slaves. So I think they had the same business plan as the underpants gnomes.

The main guy is a slightly overweight, normal looking, old guy. Yeah, memorable. And his name John Travis, is memorable too. His boss is a drunk Adam West. Yes, thats batman after he was broke and needed to support his drinking habit.

The bad guys are just as retarded. There’s ratso, a fatso that looks like a rat. Racoon guy, a guy with paint over his eyes. And half face, a guy with paint on half of his face.

They dont seem to establish why the bad guys are capturing girls and making them slaves. They dont establish why this is the future, because everything looked very 1980’s They dont say why John Travis was the best guy chosen. They dont say why Adam West was locked in his office. They dont explain why Adam West needed to marry his secretary before the bad guys came to kill him. They dont explain why their base is the changing rooms of a baseball field. They dont explain why the bad guys wanted paint on their face. They dont explain why ratso needed to repeat the last words of the boss. They dont explain why one of the slave girls was unconscious. They dont explain why the doctor wanted to kill himself. They dont explain where the girls run off to when they were told to stay put. They dont tell you why the bad guys hate John Travis so much that they change how they operate just to kill him.

So there are a few plot holes. But this movie entertained us. I even want to find more Adam West movies in his later years.

Watch this movie.

 

 

Cannibal Holocaust

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Dont watch this. Ever. I mean it.

In 1980 a bored guy named Rugerro Deodato wanted to make a film about cannibals in some eastern country. So the premise was that there is a group that went to explore the island and got lost and a new group went to search for them.

About 10 minutes in they kill a rodent on screen.

10 minutes after that they kill a poor turtle.

We stopped watching. Fuck this.

Apparently Mr Deodato was arrested after the release of this movie. Probably because of animal cruelty and upon release makes the sequel. We probably wont watch that. Oh, and he made Jungle Holocaust three years before this. Guess what its about. Motherfucking primitive cannibals again.

Dont fucking watch this shit.

Star Wars Holiday Special

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Its 1978 and George Lucas needs to buy many drugs. So he approved this turd.

Its 90 minutes of hot steaming mess. Apparently it supposed to be 120 minutes and we didnt see a section. We dont care, 90 was enough.

So Chewy and Solo are on their way home for a holiday called life day. Nothing made us want them all to die as much as this movie. The people waiting for Chewbacca are his wife, son and father. Their names respectively are Maude, Lumpy and Itchy. We sat through many minutes of groaning as their dialogue and then we sit through Lumpy play with his toys which are all hologram circus acts.

There was a scene that introduces Boba Fett. We dont know why people thought that he was a good guy to work on. He was just as shit as everyone else.

We hope all people involved gets cancer and dies a horrible death for making this pile of shit. Fuck you George Lucas.

Knights

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Its 1993 and Kris Kristofferson and Lance Henrikson need to buy some cars and some coke. So they agreed to this movie. Which was a bit shit. But it very close o making a b-movie’s cardinal sin, being boring.

There’s these cyborg and they hire people to catch more people to become cyborgs. Pretty much earth in the year 2050.

The lead actress, Bland, sucked as an artist. Her performance was bland and forgettable. I’m writing that down because i forgot what she did.

Don’t watch this. You will sleep.

Kill and kill again

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Its one year old by the time i was born. This 1981 movie was ok. Not super shit. It has some good action and the story was coherent. The acting wasnt great but we were quite pleased with it.

So why did we give this movie a pass? Its South African. The place of our birth. The lead actress was Anneline Kriel. Miss World in 1974. The lead actor James Ryan was a martial arts expert and also later acted in Space Mutiny. That movie where Cameron Mitchell wears a two dollar santa stick on beard. Which i’m sure was stolen from this set.

So the story. There is a crazy bad guy that is brainwashing people of a town and these guys stop him. That it. Simple and well executed.

Why was the movie made? A bunch of martial arts experts in SA that want to show off their skills.

Watch it. Because motherland. Not a b-movie.