This movie is so bad it gave me cancer.

Glitter was made in 2001. This was the historical year where no one cares about anything. It’s a vanity project for Mariah Carey where she details her rags to riches story. Her mother is a singer of a shitty bar and then she sings a bit and likes singing and then gets discovered because she was a background singer thats better than the lead singer. A guy that looks like a discount Mark Wahlberg says he buys her out of her contract and becomes her manager. They show all the trivial details of how business people treat her like a business asset and not like a person. Didn’t anyone tell her that this is how the industry works? Why is she surprised by all of this? It ends with her singing at a big concert and before she sings, she finds out that her boyfriend, discount Wahlberg, died. She is a bit sad and carries on to sing. It ends with her going to find her mother and they hug and cry.

Her name in the movie wasn’t Mariah. It was Frankie or something like that. Why? Was it because she knew she’s taking liberties with her own history? She can now add in more fake scenarios that will make the audience more sympathetic to her unrealistic story. Pandering and filled with clich├ęs should be the description.

She also was in charge of music of the movie. This was a terrible decision. She manufactures scenarios so that she can play she own music as the sound track of the movie. This makes the scenes not logically fit into each other. Some scenes makes sense but the music doesn’t fit. Then there are other problems with really bad dubbing where it is very obvious that a person’s mouth doesn’t match the voices that you hear. Then its all set in New York but its always quiet. You don’t hear the cars or trains or people shouting in the background.

The cinematography was the worst we’ve seen in a long time. Every scene lasts about five minutes and its repetitive to the point where we saw the formula about 30 minutes into the movie. Each scene starts with an aerial shot of New York. It lasts about 5 seconds. Then its footage of the busy traffic and the taxis driving by the location. Then a side character says a line or two. Then Mariah can talk or react for the next four or so minutes. Repeat until its over.

So this movie is terrible. Why was it made? Vanity project? Yeah, maybe. But it costs $22m to make it. Who knows how it was marketed? Mariah didn’t pay for it. Someone else did. Fox. Maybe Fox thought that they could take a successful singer and make a buck on a cross over. Mariah had a mental breakdown in during this movie and regrets making it. Thats how bad it was. She started working on this movie since 1997. Five fucking years go by and all they can show for it was $5m in revenue.

Should you watch this movie? Only if you want to ogle Mariah’s body while watching it on mute.