If you stick a skewer into a cop, make sure you yell “Cop Kabab!”

1992’s Sleepwalkers had all the right ingredients. A novel and cameo by Stephen King, the hot waitress from Twin Peaks, an intro cameo by Mark Hamil, A cameo by John Landis and a young Ron Pearlman as a cop. It made $30m from a $15m budget. But it was a shitty movie. I think it’s the Director’s fault. All he’s done till that time was ‘behind the scenes’ videos and then would go on to make shitty TV movies.

Its about this couple that may or may not be a mom and her son that tend to engage in the incest. They are werewolves and live for forever and they are new to this town because they’re on the run from the last town where they killed someone for their life force. So the son goes to school, meets a new girl and wants to bring her home so his mother can kill her. During that time, a teacher says he can’t find a record of the son at a previous school he stated. Instead of telling him some bullshit reason that its some error on the records, he kills the teacher. The son drives off fast and now cop is after him. The cop has a cat that makes a hissing sound at the werewolf son. The werewolf kills the cop with the old ‘cop kebab’ move. Later on we see that the cats surround the werewolf house. Its supposed to imply that the cats are guarding the bad house. But the mom and son can walk in and out like there aren’t any cats. So why are there scenes with cats that don’t do anything? I don’t know. Maybe they had a discount on cats. At the end, there are a lot of cops after the son and they find his home. The mom can use some of her life force to make him invisible. There is a struggle with cops and the mom tries to run away. A cat is near and she bursts into flames.

Does any of this make sense? Yeah, we didn’t think so either.

Most of this movie is pointless dialogue and chase scenes that do nothing to movie the movie forward. I’m sure all the people involved enjoyed their new cars and houses.

This movie doesn’t have anything going for it except that a guy that wrote some really good books also wrote this book.

Don’t waste your time with this shit.