Geostorm

This is another movie I love. Not because its good, or so bad that its good. No. Its because it shows that people can still crank out bad shit in 2017.

Geostorm is about everything. There is climate change, space station shenanigans, USA politics conferences, family relations are fucked up, social media is bad, people are racist, all the things are getting hacked, and electric cars are popular. There is a hacker guy that thinks everything is shit and people should die. So he becomes smart, joins the space station crew, designs a complicated virus that will mess with the settings of the man-made climate adjustment bubble that floats around space and surrounds the earth. That virus will need to be delivered to the system through some Kafkaesque process and he will need to learn people skills, be liked by people and then manipulate them to deliver the virus. But we never see any of this, he just explains it at the end when the good guy catches him. Its like a Scooby Doo. The good guy is King Leonidis from 300. There is a bullshit arc that we see him leave the space station, come to earth, get prosecuted for disobeying some trivial order. The judges don’t want to use common sense or weight up the pros and cons of his actions in light of the situation that I think we’re told. No, its all black and white to them. Why the fuck are they even there? If the system worked that way, just put a computer in charge and they can stay at home and watch bad movie or go to some bullshit bad movie review site. We then see that Leonidis goes back to the space station and becomes the boss because the guys he left in charge for two weeks, so he could be back on earth to be prosecuted, managed to fuck up the place. Now he need to fix it, investigate why things broke, then find a virus, then find the guy that made the virus and then stop the virus.

There is nothing good about this movie. Every line seemed to be a one-liner cliche that was crowdsourced. The actors didn’t give a shit playing their part. They look like they’re doing one take and heading back to their hotel. The effects are terrible but only slightly better than Phantom Menace. Music is absolute garbage. They put a bass drop every line like its supposed to be the main line of the movie.

It’s set in 2019. So in this Director’s mind, humans can progress this rapidly in two years and manage to build a factory in space to make more space ships and satellites. Disbelief was not suspended. Who was this fucking Director? Dean Devlin. He hasn’t directed anything good. He seems to be a producer. Maybe he’s trying his hand at directing. How did he not test this script with other people or get an audience?

This is a terrible movie.